Why Do We Miscommunicate?

Have you ever watched a friend type for ages… only to send “nvm”?

That moment of confusion and frustration is miscommunication in action!

Despite being more connected than ever, miscommunication is still a very common challenge in life. It affects our peer relationships in the classroom and at the workplace. With everyone on WhatsApp and social media daily, we would expect people to understand one another better. Yet misunderstandings seem to happen more often, not less. Why?

First, cognitive bias. When we speak, we know the intent of our words. We assume that others can see it too. We forget that they can’t. We think our intent is obvious—it’s not! Take for example, the phrase “we need to talk”. It might be neutral to the speaker, but the person hearing it might start to worry—is something wrong, is it serious?

Second, language isn’t precise. Depending on how a word is said, it can mean different things. “Fine” in a calm tone means everything is okay. “Fine” in a sharp tone means frustration.

Third, cultural differences. “Can or not?” may be said in an abrupt tone, but it usually doesn’t mean impatience here in Singapore. It’s just our quick way of saying, “Would this be possible?” Every culture has its own language “shortcuts”. We shouldn’t assume that people of other cultures share our norms.

Lastly, online communication lacks non-verbal cues. Our facial expression and body language can tell us a lot about what the other person means by his words. However, we can’t see these online. We end up guessing, without realising we’re guessing!